The Best Store Ever

Wacko: 4633 Hollywood Blvd.


A couple weeks ago, I was stumbling around near where I live in search of a Washington Mutual (Janice from 411 swore that I’d find one on Vermont, just south of Hollywood), when I discovered what is undoubtedly the greatest store in the history of the world (part 1). It’s called Wacko, and they’ve got everything that you’d ever want, other than food and replacement parts for a 1971 Toro Riding Lawnmower. Imagine the bizarre toy selection of (sadly) defunct Minneapolis shop Sister Fun, along with the miniaturized collectibles of Toy Tokyo, in addition to a fantastic selection of books, comics (they’re a little thin on Daniel Clowes titles, but they do have Ghost World toys), postcards, records, posters, and candy! And they even have an art gallery built right into the back of the store!

I was in awe. I felt like I’d died, gone to heaven, been resurrected, embarked on a short-lived (but brilliant) career as a minor league basketball sensation, unsuccessfully campaigned for a spot on the local school board, been acquitted of statutory rape charges, planted a super citrus tree (capable of growing oranges, grapefruits, lemons, and limes) knowing that it would one day make my descendents outrageously wealthy, and finally, been unexpectedly teleported into the store of my dreams. It was great, let me tell you.

Walking into Wacko is like entering a museum full of “awesome shit “ that can be bought at affordable prices. I’ve just never before seen so many good things in one store. If I were part of an organized crime family, or the winner of American Idol, or something like that, I would no doubt spend hundreds of thousands in Wacko every week. But the way things are, I sold my shoes to a meth head, and this is what I bought:

-A "Psycho" poster in the style of those old concert advertisement posters that you always see at record shops. They also had this type of poster for Pink Flamingos, A Clockwork Orange, Brigitte Bardot, and the Beatles back when they were called the Silver Beatles, which kind of reminds me of the Silver Jews, who are a sensational music playing group.

-A Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! lunchbox. Once, about four years ago, Faster Pussycat was showing for one night at the Oak Street Cinema in Minneapolis, and I'd been looking forward to it for months. Sadly, designated driver Julie Palm was unable to comprehend the MapQuest directions that Mark Larsen had so nicely printed out, and we ended up instead at the Perkins off 394. It was quite the disappointment. A few months later, I rented the movie from the now extinct Discount Video, and unfortunately, it too was sort of a disappointment. Basically, the poster is better than the actual movie. And the lunchbox is incredible, too. I don't know exactly what I'm going to store in it yet, but I'll tell you one thing: It won't be crack-cocaine.

-A book called Desperate Visions: The Films of John Waters & The Kuchar Brothers, which contains a conucopia of interviews with Waters and several members of his classic entourage, like Divine and Mink Stole. There's also a large section about the Kuchar brothers, whose short avant garde pictures were a big influence on the young Waters. The interviews in this book are fun, but the interviewer is a bit of a JA, and seems a little too eager to make his own clever comments, rather than draw them out of his subjects. Waters was prolly fighting off the urge to tell the guy to eat shit the whole time. In any case, an enjoyable read.

-A book called The History of Men's Magazines Vol. 6: 1970's Under The Counter. This book contains some classic pornography as well as some amazing retro art direction. This title will be sure to give you a little arousal as well as some obscure history lessons. Did you know that "Quim" was a slang term for vagina? Neither did I.

-About 10 or 11 fantastic postcards. If You're lucky, one may end up in a mailbox near you.

-Lastly, a Fritz The Cat button/pin/badge. As a little kid, I used to stand in Mr. Movies and marvel that there could be an X-rated cartoon featuring a friendly looking cat. When I finally rented the movie years later, I was a little on the bored side and didn't even get through the whole thing. Maybe I'll give it another go one of these days, the next time I'm in that old Animated-Cats-Fucking mood. Should be any day now.

I highly recommend visiting Wacko (Check out their official website here). Even if you have to fly, I'd recommend making the trip. If you do, we can hane out and have all sorts of misadventures just like in that film "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles." But I'll play the Steve Martin role, you obnoxious fuck.

your friend (4ever), Beck DeRobertis